To be perfectly honest, I feel weird looking at myself in the mirror. I have done it at length at times, but mostly, I don’t like to. Believe it or not, I don’t think I’m attractive and I don’t like to face that. Weird, huh?
As someone that people do find attractive, it’s strange of me not to feel that way. I guess when you see yourself every day to some extent, all you see is your flaws. I do like dressing well, and I do take care of my face when I’m blessed with the money to do so. Until then, I employ any home remedies that I come across. I have been blessed with pretty clear skin, though I do get acne sometimes. Yes, I am almost 30, but I still get acne. Thankfully though, I’ve gotten through puberty with little, if any, acne scars. I also have eyebrows that don’t require regular maintenance to look they way they do; they naturally lie straight, they’re on the thinner side, and there are barely any stray hairs. I’ve been blessed to have eyebrows that stay separate.
Despite all of these good features, as well as a body that people envy for some reason, I still don’t think I’m attractive. I love my personality, but for some reason, I’m not as hot about what I see. I don’t dislike it enough to change it, but I guess I feel inferior to others beauty wise. I find it hard to look at myself and find myself pretty some days. I had a phase in college where I swore guys didn’t think I was attractive or looked nice. If I was given a compliment, I never knew how to take it. I could’ve taken the normal route and said “thank you”, but no. It made me feel completely awkward. I couldn’t understand why a guy would think I was pretty or looked nice, even though I would put (some) time into my personal appearance. I’m pretty sure I did less then than I do now, and guys thought I looked nice back then. I just wish I saw it.
There are days when I actually do think I’m attractive. There are times when I really like the shape of my eyes, how my face stays relatively clear, and I think my dainty looking hands are befitting of me. For the most part though, forget about it. I just concentrate on my personality.
I try not to focus so much on my looks because I don’t think it accounts for very much. I think I have way more going for me in terms of my interests and the things that I like doing. Physically, well, “bless my heart”… she’s a nice girl with a great personality.
You may want to argue that it isn’t true, but I have to believe that this isn’t true. I don’t like looking in the mirror most of the time because I feel like I don’t measure up to what is pretty. There are times recently that I wished I was a white woman… or a Brazilian woman… or someone other than me. Then I would be prettier. This, however, would be a slap in the face of the One who made me. He thinks I’m beautiful, and He put his best effort forth when making me.
That right there should be enough for me to call me beautiful… and one day, it will be.