The “Getting Out There” Struggle

After emailing one of my best good friends back and forth, I had told her that I hadn’t been dating too much lately.

“What? Why aren’t you dating??” she replied in response.

So I had to think about it. Why wasn’t I dating? I was working a lot, but not so much that I couldn’t go on a date here and there. Truth be told, no one was asking. So what’s a girl to do? After talking with her on the phone about my (lack of a) love life, we decided that I should do something about that. “So what’s your plan of action?” she asked.

My mind raced. What do I say?? I was hoping it was one of those things that I could put on my “to do” list, but it ends up on the back burner. Being the guy shy, introverted soul that I am, me and dating don’t get along very well. Most guys tend to meet me at the time when the extravert in me shines through. Then, later on, I retreat back into myself wondering why a guy that hot could possibly want to talk to me. At this point, the guy probably thinks I’m uninterested when I’ve simply become shy once again… and he moves on and my feelings are hurt.

Not wanting to ignore the question completely, thus came this answer: “uhh… online dating?”

Why did I say that? I’ve been on dating sites before and have even paid for some. Sadly to say, there has been little to no success in finding someone that I like. I got a couple of creepers, a guy that insisted on talking to me on the phone, but spoke even less than I do, and one date to a bad chinese food place. In that last guy’s defense, he did talk a lot, but I was nowhere near interested in him. I think he was rambling nervously. I was nervous too, but I tend to be quiet when I’m nervous… so it was like the poor guy was talking to himself.

Yet… this is what I chose. Online dating is what I said, and online dating is what I shall do, I thought. Said friend was even awesome enough to send me a TED talk about a woman’s forays in the online dating world, and an article that had online profile tips. I employed some of these and, with her help, set up a profile that I could be proud of.

The first couple of days, I had over 20 visitors a day! Nice! I also got a few messages.

What could be the downside to this?

Well, despite the fact that my profile was getting a lot of views, nobody that I actually liked was answering me. Even after sending out a few messages, there was no response. One guy even told me flat out that he wasn’t interested, even though our percentage match was pretty high according to the site. Although I appreciate him not wasting my time, it still hurt to be turned down that quickly.

There was one guy that I actually did connect with and we exchanged numbers. We texted back and forth a lot and did one voice call. However, nothing ever came of it. He constantly asked for photos and always talked of wanting to kiss me. He mentioned it a lot, actually. What girl wants to hear that in every other text? So I stopped talking to him.

After still not getting any play from anyone that caught my interest, I decided to leave the site alone for about a week. Let’s not even mention the someone that I know in real life that keeps sending me messages on Facebook. The only time he engages in any real conversation is about having sex with me or getting me pregnant. I’m sure you can only imagine exactly how I feel about that. I’ll leave the real version of said sentiments to myself.

At this moment, I’ve accepted the fact that my eggs may end up hard boiled and cracked before I’ll get to have kids. People want to pretend that this is not in the realm of possibility, but it is. When I actually try, it just turns out badly… like a biscuit that’s overworked or has too much flour. Instead of looking like a wonderful and fluffy biscuit, it looks more like a glorified cookie (I’ve been there, trust me).

Dating is finicky and annoying; moreover, online dating simply feels unnatural and awkward. The only other option is to do it organically… what most refer to as the “old fashioned way”. It involves… actually talking to people! (eep)

At this point, the truth is inevitable… I can’t hide!

It feels a lot better to take a more indirect approach; to just try new things and get out more in general. Simply being “out and about” increases the odds of meeting people. As much as I’d like to meet a wonderful man, how about I just meet some friends? Meeting some new and interesting friends would be nice (not that I don’t love the ones that I have, mind you). Getting out more and being around different people would increase my confidence and, possibly, my being comfortable around people. And heck, I’d have more fun with my life than I’m having now.

It’s time to stop using my job and lack of funds as an excuse to not get out. Sometimes exhaustion sets in but, if I’m honest, I can find energy to go out. I’ve done it in the past, that’s for sure.

So the struggle continues…

all ye that know Him… pray for me.

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