Awake

It is now 5:06 am. Daylight savings time has ended.

One year when daylight savings time ended, I remember clock-watching on my phone. I wanted to see what happened when the time changed.

Now I’m in another such position to be awake at this time, but under entirely different circumstances. I don’t recall trying so hard to remain up in my life. Please excuse me if these ramblings make no sense.

The alarm on my phone went off at 1am, telling me that it was time to open my eyes and forego getting that bit of sleep that almost had me. It’s just as well; I wasn’t sleeping anyway. It was vanity to attempt to reset my body clock so that I could have some semblance of rest before that cursed alarm went off. Now here I am after 5am trying hard not to drift off.

The hum of my ceiling fan, which used to sound melodic, now seems far too loud. The pressure in the room is crowding my ears and my face is droopy. I can feel the bags under my eyes pulling my face down.

I question my sanity: why am I doing this to myself? Why couldn’t I be drawn to a normal profession… one that doesn’t involve me staring blankly at a computer screen & randomly doing squats in a feeble attempt to stave off sleep in the wee hours of the morning?

I could nap, but I know I’m a heavy sleeper… and if I fall asleep, I just might miss that call. For flight attendants on reserve, the call is everything.

and now, I’m happy to say that as I was typing this, I got that call. I thank the Lord that I live close to my base, and that show time is far enough away for me to sneak a nap in.

for now, this is life. It’ll be what it is, and I pray to survive it.

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