I’d tell you that I’m scared. Of everything.
Mostly, I’m scared of not becoming the person that I could be. I don’t know if I got this idea from other people’s ideas of me that were forced upon me… or because of the responsibilities that currently encumber me. I feel like I get really close to becoming my best person, only for something to hold me back. I guess I’m afraid of disappointing myself.
I’m also a little stressed out. I’ve been wanting to find my own place, but the enormity of it is overwhelming. Mostly, I become like a child that gets board stiff when something scares them… so they do nothing. I do nothing. Doing nothing doesn’t fix it, but at least I feel like I can breathe and move again.
I wish someone had prepared me for adulthood. I don’t feel like I’m anywhere near being an adult. From the mundane to the truly catastrophic things that can happen, becoming a hermit looks better with each passing day.
One day I might sell everything I own and disappear. It’s terrible, but it feels like the easiest thing to do. My life is a mess, and I don’t know how to fix it.