Birthday Blues

Normally, I really like birthdays, including my own. It’s a day to celebrate the fabulousness that is you, of course!

My birthday is in 9 days and I’ll be yet another year older. Here’s why I’m not looking forward to it this year:

  • I’m not where I wanted to be at this age (not married, no children, still living at home, etc), and therefore, am embarrassed to admit to being this age/don’t want to be this age. It just reminds me that I’m too old not to have certain things in order.
  • My work week starts on my birthday. ugh. getting off is tough, and I don’t want to use sick time.
  • because of the above reason, I probably won’t get to have cake.
  • no party or celebration will be had. although the first reason has me down, I’d still like a party. I haven’t had a birthday gathering/party in a while. I tried planning one when I turned 30, and no one could come… including me! (my account was drained. it wasn’t a good birthday).
  • I won’t have much money to even take myself out! Maybe next check after my birthday.
  • when you get older, you’re stuck celebrating by yourself.

I wish I had a happy ending to this post and that despite the cons, I am looking forward to my birthday… but I don’t and I’m not. If I had the day to myself, maybe I could see the ray of sunshine coming through the clouds. Birthdays should be about you, and this one just won’t be. This is the second birthday where I’ve had to work, and that’s just depressing.

And yes, I do mean the second birthday ever. At all of the jobs I’ve had, I made it a point not to work on my birthday. I treasure it enough that I ensure that I don’t  “have” to do anything then. I don’t have that option with my current job.

So here it is. Happy birthday to me. *sigh*

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